Does Gatekeeping Block your Blessings?
Hesitating to share our hidden gems shows why 'sharing is caring’ isn’t always so simple. It raises the question of Gatekeeping vs. Abundance Mindset.
A few months ago, I started planning My Ultimate Guide to Liverpool - all of my favourite underrated places in one concrete, accessible list. After years of vlogging, it’s become my most asked question: where should I go for coffee, breakfast, or dinner?
But as I wrote, I caught myself hesitating. Do I really want to share this place? I love it because it’s quiet.
Because let’s be real: we all know what a viral TikTok can do.
One post and suddenly your peaceful café has become a viral hotspot. With queues down the street, a crowd of cameras and clout chasers - the vibe is completely ruined. On the flip side… that very TikTok fame could skyrocket sales and save a business.
I’ve seen it play out through my own videos:
My aerial yoga class sold out.
My nail salon is always busy.
And the streets flooded during 2024’s River of Light.
It’s a weird thing to claim or take ownership of because nobody knows for definite, and it can be perceived as arrogance or boasting. I’m just going off past experience, the proof is in the analytics.
So here I am, sat in one of my favourite cafés. Enough chatter to feel less alone than at home, yet enough stillness to think. I was mapping categories for my guide: food, workouts, co-working spaces etc. But the question lingered: Do I really want to risk these places becoming victims of virality?
Of course there’s no guarantee, my post could flop or maybe someone else could do it first. But what’s certain, is once you post, it’s permanent. And honestly? Between views or serenity, I value the peace of these places. Deeply.
So I decided to scrap the guide, causing me to spiral into a bigger question:
Am I just selfishly gatekeeping? And if so, is gatekeeping the opposite of the abundance mindset that I want to have?
Gatekeeping vs. Abundance Mindset
Gatekeeping = keeping knowledge, opportunities, or access to yourself often to maintain exclusivity. (Think: not telling someone where your shirt’s from so they can’t copy it. Weird behaviour, right?)
Abundance mindset = believing there’s enough for everyone; success, opportunities, resources. It’s about sharing openly, celebrating collective wins and seeing life as a win-win.
On paper, yes, gatekeeping is the opposite of an abundance mindset.
But is it selfish? That boils down to the INTENT.
Most of the time, gatekeeping comes from a fear of being outshined or losing relevance. However, there is a protective approach, which isn’t selfish. For example, preserving cultural heritage from being exploited or even ensuring a safe space for marginalised groups.
The TikTok Trend of Gatekeeping
Online, “gatekeeping” has become shorthand for selfishly hiding outfit details, hidden gems, or niche hobbies.
We see the behaviour in fandoms "You're not a real fan if you only watch the movies." Or subcultures wanting to keep certain trends from becoming mainstream (remember Billie Eillish’s early fans?)
This form of gatekeeping is less about power and more about preservation. The reasons vary:
Fear of overcrowding.
Wanting it to stay special.
A sense of ownership over “discovering” it first.
In some cases, it might seem selfish, but it’s also understandable depending on the motivation.
Abundance says: share it so others can enjoy it too, support small businesses, build community and connections. But if a café is small and could genuinely lose its charm with too much attention, "gatekeeping" might just be setting a boundary.
Which is where my feelings made sense.
As kids we’re taught ‘sharing is caring’, this phrase leans into abundance and I believe it is true. But I think the best way to embody it, is yes - be excited to share, but you can carefully consider who to and how you go about that. If someone asks me directly for details, I’m always going to answer! I see it as a compliment personally. I’m just more wary of posting publicly things I’d prefer to keep peaceful.
My Little Secret
As a thank you for reading this far, I’ll share one favourite spots that I trust you to cherish (as I have) for its charm, its calmness and character. My favourite little café/make shift co working space is Café Lucaya opposite the Liver Building. As I close out this post, sat in my favourite seat in the corner, let me share a picture of my view, and encourage you to share your favourite best kept secret down below (just for this small community :)
(Ps. My drink by the way- an iced hot chocolate- trust me it’s a summer FAVE- try it and tell a friend)
Thank YOU for reading, and remember sharing IS caring, so tell your friends to subscribe to my Substack for more deep conversations and life lessons <3
